SubhaanAllah, subhaanAllah, subhaanAllah.
It's been awhile hasn't it? I'm very sorry. I'm actually very surprised I still have followers up until now.
Sigh... where do I start? Well first..
Where? Around, I guess.
I finished grade 11 and I was entering grade 12 at that time and I kinda saw this before hand but, when I was in grade 11 I would look at the grade 12 students and see how some where falling apart. Like, they started to do things that were haram and such and it made me confused at to why they were doing that, like - there was no big difference between grade 11 and grade 12 right... right? That's what I thought at least, until I entered grade 12 myself and after that I saw myself fall apart too... and by a lot.
Now I won't reveal my sins to you, but I wanted to tell you guys one of the reasons I hve fallen apart in grade 12 and that was because of priorities. In grade 12, you are in your last year and it's your last chance to boost your grade up to go to the university of college you desire. It's also probably the last time you see some of your friends... forever. With that in mind, I started to look at my self in grade 12 and I started to feel alone because I didn't really hang with most of these students and I felt like I didn't belong because they didn't like the things that I like. I didn't really have someone to discuss with about Islam or share knowledge with, nor get it back so it was quite hard. I noticed that these girls were more preoccupied with the entertainment world and I started to do that as well and that took a great toll on me, subhaanAllah.
I ended up prioritizing the dunyah more than the akhrirah and this made it really difficult for me to sleep at night. I wasn't remembering Allah as much as I used to. It was really crazy, I knew I was doing something wrong and my heart felt so dead...
Alhamdulillah though, I got through it. I graduated from high school and during the summer I told myself that I would stop allof this and that I would go back to how I was before.
Did it work? It's a bit more complicated than that.
Why? For many reasons...
One of the reasons would be because I didn't know where to get Islamic knowledge from. I used to watch islamic lectures on the internet whenever I wanted an imaan boost, or I would join an al-Maghrib or al-Kawthaar seminar but I suddenly stopped that because I was learning new things.
I've been seen more and more people on the Internet telling me to stop listening to these 'shuyookh' because they aren't spreading the truth. I even had my older brother tell me the same thing and said that it's isn't right and that they were making fun of 'salafiyyah'.
Initially, I was like "what's salafiyyah? like Salafis?" and I hearing that term made me a little hate all of this because from what I knew, I thought that salafis were extreme muslims and I wasn't having any of that. Though, my brother further explained to me that salafiyyah isn't what I think it is, but that salafiyyah is what i've been following all along. It's to believe the Qur'an, the Sunnah - and the way the Companions off the Prophet salalAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam understood it, and how their students understood it, and how their students understood it.
So I was like "Oh, yeah. Ok, makes sense." - it did. There's even a hadith to prove this:
Narrated 'Abdullah bin Mas'ud:And yeah, so I stopped listening to a lot of people that I used to listen to and I was stuck in this whole for some time until I found scholars like sh. 'Uthaymeen, al-Albaani, Ibn Baaz, etc. I started to listen to lectures again, bit by bit alhamdulillah. :)
that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: "The best generation is my generation, then those who follow them, then those who follow them. Then comes a people after that whose swearing precedes their testimony, or whose testimony precedes their swearing." [Jami at-Tirmidhi, Book 49, Hadith 4232]
So, where are you now? Here.
I joined Tumblr for some time now as well (sorry, I forgot to mention that!) and I've been around there most of the time too. Right now, I still have lots and lots of stuff to do to be happy with my imaan and all, but one thing is for sure - I won't be that teenaged girl I was before. I'm a changed woman now and I'm moving forward, walhamdulillah. I'm currently working on moving forward in my hifdh and doing well in university. Just taking things one step at a time. :)
I hope you're all in the best state of health and imaan, inshaaAllah. Well me know how it's been with you too. :)
Wasalaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullah.
P.S. - I'm still not sure what to do with this blog though. Hm...
